The Devil’s Beatitudes.

I was perusing my facebook news feed a couple weeks ago and came across a blog post someone had shared. It was a list of the Devil’s beatitudes… or what they would probably be if the Devil had any…

I hope you enjoy the humor in it, but also realize the seriousness of it.

1. Blessed are those who are too tired, too busy, too distracted to spend an hour once a week with their fellow Christians — they are my best workers!

2. Blessed are those Christians who wait to be asked and expect to be thanked — I can use them.

3. Blessed are the touchy who stop going to church — they are my missionaries.

4. Blessed are the troublemakers — they shall be called my children.

5. Blessed are the complainers — I’m all ears to them.

6. Blessed are those who are bored with the minister’s mannerism and mistakes — for they get nothing out of his sermons.

7. Blessed is the church member who expects to be invited to his own church — for he is a part of the problem instead of the solution.

8. Blessed are those who gossip — for they shall cause strife and divisions that please me.

9. Blessed are those who are easily offended — for they will soon get angry and quit.

10. Blessed are those who do not give an offering to carry on God’s work — for they are my helpers.

11. Blessed is he who professes to love God but hates his brother and sister — for he shall be with me forever!

12. Blessed are you who, when you read this think it is about other people and not yourself — I’ve got you too!

We must be careful that we are following the example of the beatitudes the Lord spoke of, rather than these above.

“Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” ~ James 4:7

“Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:” ~ I Peter 5:8

“Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.” ~ Ephesians 6:11

Do you have anything to add to the list above…? 


Posted on August 31, 2012, in Christian Life and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.

  1. Reblogged this on Counsel of a Friend and commented:
    Hits home. Very good read!

  2. Very good! I enjoyed reading this!!!

  3. If the devil was real, I imagine his list definitely would look something like this!

    What I really like about this list is the alternatives (the counters to the devil’s beatitudes) are very close to what Jesus taught. Basically, love your neighbor. Regardless of what one believes, or doesn’t believe, we can all learn from that idea. 🙂

    • Well, since we know that the Devil is contrary to everything that God is, it’s no wonder that “his beatitudes” counter those in the Bible.

      thanks for stopping by Grow Up!.

  4. ouch, that number 12 kinda hurt. Good post.

  5. Sounds as if something funny… But its truth.

  6. That sure is way creepy but talking about reality that I think everybody had done that. But anyways, it enlightens me to be more careful with every single thing.

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