empty finger. . .
saturday’s are my days for long runs. long, slow, thought-filled runs. the pitter-patter of my feet against the trail as my closest companion. and as one foot moves in front of the other, thoughts swirl. not in even strides but in rushes.
february 14 was valentine’s day. and this year, despite the promise of marriage and ring gently placed on my left hand, i was alone.
the trail that particular day was filled with many others. couples hand in hand, taking advantage of the sunny and sixty degree weather. all the while my heart still clouded with the falling of ice and snow just days before.
they walked, fingers intertwined, more than one diamond silently mocking me.
reminding me of my bare finger.
as stitches grew slowly in my sides, my anger towards my Daddy grew with each diamond passed. looking down at my own bare finger wondering why.
why me? why us? why now? why them?
why, Daddy? why?
and His whisper filled the quiet of the trail. . .
baby girl, you are not defined by that empty finger.
i have spent the last almost year of my life allowing myself to be defined by my left ring finger. bare as a result of the choices of another. believing that in order to be happy my left hand must sparkle again.
and that is a lie. straight from the pit of hell.
so often we all allow ourselves to be defined by the adjectives surrounding our lives. . .
insert job title here.
these words may describe but they do not define us. the names our Daddy has given define. names that were bought at a steep price. a price that cost His perfect life.
son or daughter.
who are we to define ourselves by empty fingers, full homes, or corner offices?
God has chosen to empty my left hand for this season. and He had to break my finger to get that ring off. that breaking has been the most painful reality i have ever experienced. but without that breaking i am not sure i would have ever known the beauty of my true name.
i may be living in the shadow of a broken engagement but it cannot overshadow me unless i allow it. unless i choose to believe the lie over Truth. i must believe that while my left hand is bare for this moment, He knows best. and the same is true for you. whatever your adjectives are. . .it is your choice whether they will describe or define.
let Him define. . .only there will you find freedom. wherever you are in your journey. be it broken down beside the road in pain or whether the wind is joyfully tousling your hair.
and every time i look down at my empty finger, it is a reminder. . .
. . .that what He calls me defines me.
i am beloved.
are you allowing the words that describe you define you?
~ ~ ~ ~
lauren is a twenty-something living in the shadow of an unexpected broken engagement. her bones have been shattered and heart broken, but she is trusting the Lord to heal her broken places. . .and doing her best to rejoice in the meantime. she blogs about raw and ugly realities of her journey at beautifully broken.
Posted on March 31, 2011, in "Guest Post" March, Guest Post and tagged "Guest Post" March, Broken Heart, Broken Promises, Engagement, God's Will, Heartache, http://lesykes.wordpress.com, Hurt, Love, Relationships, Stories. Bookmark the permalink. 15 Comments.