This time last year…
Some memories are vivid, others are more like hallucinations of the memory – not really sure if they happened or if I just dreamed them up.
You’re about to read a vague, tip-of-the-iceberg summary of my life… before Jesus took control.
This time last year I was wrapped up and completely consumed by the party life. I lived for a good time followed by some drinks with my friends. I craved every opportunity I was out from under the roof of my parents house. I counted down the minutes to each and every weekend, and I dreaded every second of said weekend because I knew it was that much closer to ending, making me have to wait another 5 days until the next one.
Katy Perry’s “I Kissed A Girl” blared from my radio one second, followed up by Ke$ha’s “Tik Tok” and Cobra Starship’s “Good Girls Go Bad.” I was so cool. I was the life of the party, and my best friend was better known as my “lover.” My car was new and smelled like Caribbean beaches. My skin was as tan as a Mexican, and my hair had a dark purple streak through the center of it. The group of people I hung with were not necessarily “bad” people, but they weren’t exactly the type who “pushed you to be more like Jesus” or edified your life through their conversation. I had about 3 different boyfriends within 5 months, and half-attempted to split up a marriage of an ex-boyfriend. My mouth was as filthy as a sailor, and I spewed out more sexual innuendos than I care to recall. When we played volleyball on the weekends, my t-shirts were twisted and tied in various ways to show off as much skin as possible… if I even wore a t-shirt at all.
but I was living the dream.
A dream that I wanted to wake up from so badly. Stuck in a life without any peace; discontentment stained every memory and the nagging feeling of an ignored guilty conscience hovered over my head at every turn. Confusion over the distinction between right and wrong clouded my mind and I was more indecisive than I’d ever been before. Fear of dying before I’d really, truly “lived” haunted every minute of my so-called dream life.
That was all last year.
…but Jesus passed by my way.
Things are so different now. I quit the “old crowd” cold turkey. I haven’t touched a drop of alcohol. My conversation is clean. My love-life is waiting on the Lord’s perfect timing. I’m fully clothed. I no longer live my life for myself – I live it for the One Who gave me life.
I’m living the dream… except it’s for real.
This time last year, everything was so different. and I’m glad it’s different this year.