I’m alone in this thing.
I squinted to see better out the rain-splattered windshield of my car as I drove home talking to Justin on the phone, “…what are we? Are we together, dating? Are we just friends? Are we more… what?” I was tired of playing games, I just wanted a commitment.
“I really care for you, Heather…” It was another one of those avoid-the-question type answers.
“And I really care about you… I like you! And I know you like me… but I can’t keep going on like this. I need a straight answer.” I pressed the matter further.
“It’s just… well, don’t you think we still need a little more time to figure things out? I mean…”
“Justin… it’s been six months… if you don’t know by now, you’ll never know. Look, I understand that you’ve been hurt in the past, and I’m sorry that it happened that way… but I’m not her. Don’t punish me for her mistakes.”
“It’s just hard…” He said it slowly, pausing slightly between each word.
“I know… and I understand, really I do. I’ve been there. But I’m in this thing for real, Justin. I’m not pretending. This isn’t a game for me. I really care for you. And I’m willing to wait for as long as it takes, so long as I know that I’m not just waiting around for nothing… because the last thing I want to do is waste either of our time.” I was sincere, yet tender in my words; strong, yet slowly falling apart inside.
“You’re not wasting your time… I want this to work out. I do really care about you – and I know you know that.” There was a hint of heartbreak in his voice too, almost a twinge of regret that it had come to this.
“If you want this to work out, then you need to step it up a bit, babe. Most times I feel like I’m alone in this thing. I feel like I’m the glue that’s holding us together… but this is a two-way street. You need to talk to me, not avoid me. You need to put forth a little effort for me… and for you.” The rain had stopped, but the windshield wipers still squeaked and skidded across the window.
~ ~ ~ ~
Pacing back and forth across the golden streets of eternity, the Bridegroom looked at His Father: “I just don’t know what to think about this… about us! I mean, is she my bride or what?”
The Father looked on as His Son’s footsteps echoed through the pearl corridors, clouds breezing past beneath the clear, golden streets.
“I love her… and I know she cares for me – she said yes, after all.” The memories flashed threw His mind as He recalled the very first time He saw her. He was hanging on a cross – beaten, mocked, spat on, bloody – but His mind’s eye was fixed on the most beautiful bride He’d ever seen. His bride. His church. And He was doing this for her – because this was the price that her redemption required in order to be His forever.
The Bridegroom’s reminiscent daydreams were brought back to reality as the Father brushed past Him in the direction of the angelic choir about to begin their symphony again.
“It’s been 2000 years… all I want is a commitment… something to let Me know that I didn’t waste My life. Because I wasn’t pretending when I gave My Life for her. I meant what I did…”
The Son glanced in the direction of the choir as His Father looked back at Him, motioning Him to come and listen to the angels sing.
Whispering as He walked, He clinched His fist, “I feel like I’m alone in this thing…”