I’m alone in this thing.

I squinted to see better out the rain-splattered windshield of my car as I drove home talking to Justin on the phone, “…what are we? Are we together, dating? Are we just friends? Are we more… what?”  I was tired of playing games, I just wanted a commitment.

“I really care for you, Heather…”  It was another one of those avoid-the-question type answers.

“And I really care about you… I like you! And I know you like me… but I can’t keep going on like this. I need a straight answer.”  I pressed the matter further.

“It’s just… well, don’t you think we still need a little more time to figure things out? I mean…”

“Justin… it’s been six months… if you don’t know by now, you’ll never know. Look, I understand that you’ve been hurt in the past, and I’m sorry that it happened that way… but I’m not her. Don’t punish me for her mistakes.”

“It’s just hard…”  He said it slowly, pausing slightly between each word.

“I know… and I understand, really I do. I’ve been there. But I’m in this thing for real, Justin. I’m not pretending. This isn’t a game for me. I really care for you. And I’m willing to wait for as long as it takes, so long as I know that I’m not just waiting around for nothing… because the last thing I want to do is waste either of our time.”  I was sincere, yet tender in my words; strong, yet slowly falling apart inside.

“You’re not wasting your time… I want this to work out. I do really care about you – and I know you know that.”  There was a hint of heartbreak in his voice too, almost a twinge of regret that it had come to this.

“If you want this to work out, then you need to step it up a bit, babe. Most times I feel like I’m alone in this thing. I feel like I’m the glue that’s holding us together… but this is a two-way street. You need to talk to me, not avoid me. You need to put forth a little effort for me… and for you.”  The rain had stopped, but the windshield wipers still squeaked and skidded across the window.

~                    ~                    ~                    ~

Pacing back and forth across the golden streets of eternity, the Bridegroom looked at His Father: “I just don’t know what to think about this… about us! I mean, is she my bride or what?”

The Father looked on as His Son’s footsteps echoed through the pearl corridors, clouds breezing past beneath the clear, golden streets.

“I love her… and I know she cares for me – she said yes, after all.”  The memories flashed threw His mind as He recalled the very first time He saw her. He was hanging on a cross – beaten, mocked, spat on, bloody – but His mind’s eye was fixed on the most beautiful bride He’d ever seen. His bride. His church. And He was doing this for her – because this was the price that her redemption required in order to be His forever.

The Bridegroom’s reminiscent daydreams were brought back to reality as the Father brushed past Him in the direction of the angelic choir about to begin their symphony again.

“It’s been 2000 years… all I want is a commitment… something to let Me know that I didn’t waste My life. Because I wasn’t pretending when I gave My Life for her. I meant what I did…”

The Son glanced in the direction of the choir as His Father looked back at Him, motioning Him to come and listen to the angels sing.

Whispering as He walked, He clinched His fist, “I feel like I’m alone in this thing…”


Posted on November 23, 2010, in Story and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.

  1. Sorry to say, I think we are all guilty of not “committing” ourselves to Christ as we should.

    If called upon, how far would we be willing to sacrifice for Him? He was willing to give ALL for us, would we be willing to give all for Him?

    May the Lord bless you…

    • It’s a reality-piercing question. One that most Christians avoid like a deadly disease. because seriously, “what are the chances that IIIIII would be called upon by God to give my all?…” We get so stuck in our comfort zones, unwilling to budge an inch, that -even if the Lord DID call us to sacrifice- we wouldn’t recognize the call.
      God help us.

  2. He has eternity. Ours is fleeting…What a beautiful reminder to live our lives, committed to the One Who gave His all. Because He loved us first. May the Lord number our days!

    Happy Thanksgiving to you sister and God bless you richly.

    • Only one life, ‘twil soon be passed –
      Only what’s done for Christ will last.

      Channels only, Blessed Savior, and with all Thy wondrous powere,
      Flowing through us, Thou canst use us every day and every hour.

      God Bless You.

  3. Wow! How. Very. Powerful.

  4. I really like where you’re going with this. I once asked my buddy Shon why we don’t talk about the church as a bride more often. He sarcastically said, “I think it’s because it’s too Christ-centered.”

    • Christians sure have lost sight of their purpose, haven’t they. Perhaps it’s because we’re not in the Word like we should be. Perhaps it’s because we don’t pray like we ought to. Maybe it’s because we’re too busy arguing with our brothers and sisters in Christ… or pointing out to God that He’s surely made a mistake in this or that particular area in our lives. Or maybe we’ve just gotten too busy and have lost sight of what truly took place some 2000 years ago that dark day on Calvary…


      • Heather Joy, you’re always describing yourself as “Guilty.” – I’ve seen it a number of times. I’m not comfortable with it (but who cares what I think, right). Check this out. http://spiritualklutz.blogspot.com/2010/05/holy-spirit-is-not-your-personal.html

        • Thank you for your post. I read it, start to finish. I appreciate the recommendation.

          I left the following response under your post:
          Great post. And I agree with you 100%.

          When I call myself out as being “guilty” about something – it’s not because I feel the Holy Spirit is pointing His finger at me, but rather because in His love and graciousness He telling/reminding me how I *should* be living, or what I should be doing. It was my mind running rampant saying: “Heather, you knew better… Christ has given you the perfect examply to follow and pattern your life after. The Holy Spirit reminds you daily of the things you should or should not be doing… why aren’t you listening?!”

          That is when I look at myself and say “Guilty.”

          How beautiful it is to be followed up by a loving, merciful Savior who says “Forgiven.” and helps me carry on and try again (time and time again).

          Great post – it was so very encouraging.
          ~ Heather Joy

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention I’m alone in this thing. « Grow Up! -- Topsy.com

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