False contentment exposed.

As I sit here having just read the first 7 chapters of “Passion & Purity” (Elisabeth Elliot) – my heart full of conviction and my mind full of distractions – I realized anew just how utterly wretched and prideful I am. As if I have anything that Christ could possibly need… or even want. I lose my focus far too often – God help me!

For many months now, I have tricked myself into believing myself to be content with my state of life, my relationship status (or lack thereof), my “rate of growth” (spiritually speaking) – but I am only fooling myself. My heart taddles on me, and the Lord can read my inmost thoughts.

Who knew that a book containing the love story of a woman widowed by the death of her mission-minded husband could be more like a hot sermon piercing knives deep into my heart? Aren’t love stories supposed to be light, and inspiring, and romantically imaginative? That is not the case in this book. There’s more hymns, deep quotes, and Bible verses than I know what to do with. intriguing illustrations applying Biblical principles and stories to passionate love (or the beginning stages thereof) in ways I would have never considered on my own. Abraham and Isaac? The temptation of Eve in the garden? I’m overwhelmed. I’m exhausted.

I feel I have learned more about myself in these past 2 days than I have learned about in my full 22 years combined. I pray I will become more like Christ. I want my desires to be completely in line with His will. I want to be fully surrendered to whatever He may have for me – be it heartache, emptiness, persecution, singlehood, whatever it may be. I don’t want to follow my own heart, my own dreams, my own wishes – for God knows they have proven themselves contrary to God’s will, having pulled me off the straight path countless times in the past.

Pray for me. Pray every so fervently. Pray.

“My desire is to be what He wants be to be though I’ve failed many times in the past. Let me serve, let me live, let me go, let me give all I have for the rest of my life.”

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Posted on September 18, 2010, in God's Will and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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